If you feel like rudeness is everywhere, you are not imagining it. In this Osher Author Talk, host Henry DeVries interviews John O’Brien, psychologist and author of “Rudeness Rehab,” who describes a pandemic of incivility. O’Brien points to bad behavior cropping up across daily life, from workplace dynamics to public spaces and even clinical settings. He explains that exposure to rudeness carries real physical and mental costs, affecting how people think, feel, and perform under stress.
The evidence O’Brien shares is sobering. Workplace surveys show a sharp rise in reported incivility. He also highlights “cyber incivility” in texts, emails, and team chats, and “victimless” slights like leaving dirty dishes or trash for someone else. In health care, he notes research linking rude behavior among providers to higher rates of medical errors, complications after surgery, and even higher mortality, underscoring that civility is a safety issue as well as a courtesy.
O’Brien’s message is also practical and hopeful. He urges people to ask, “Who do I want to be after this interaction, and what is most important?”
Then he offers a simple tool he calls BAM: breathing, active listening, and mindfulness.
• Breathing gives you a moment to settle before you respond.
• Active listening helps you hear the other person rather than rehearsing your comeback.
• Mindfulness keeps your attention on what is happening now so you can choose a response that aligns with your values.
In short, you can be your own superhero when dealing with rude and difficult people, and BAM gives you a place to start.